Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
