I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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