i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize