I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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