fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
