you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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