And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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