Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
