dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
