Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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