you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
