Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
