Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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