I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
