i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize