You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Randomize
