So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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