Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
