dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When are your genitals available?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
