I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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