What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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