my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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