I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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