I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
