i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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