I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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