i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
ok first of all what the fuck
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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