I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
