Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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