Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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