It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
