So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
