I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
