his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
