Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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