Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
