i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
