I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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