I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
