lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
