I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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