i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
