hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
