Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
