Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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