We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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