Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
