I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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