Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
