My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
