lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
