a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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