If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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