i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
third nipple confirmed
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
