I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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