the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
