Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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