Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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