At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
