I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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