He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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