Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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