she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
