I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
