$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
