it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
