A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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