me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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