when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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