oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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