After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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