I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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