Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
