the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
