my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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