she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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