going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
