I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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