so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude. I can hear the air.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
