My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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