Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
