Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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