So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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