Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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