I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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