I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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