Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
