Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
