Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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