you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
