You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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