I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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