Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
