I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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