RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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