Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
