Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
