i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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