My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
