We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
