Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
