Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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