You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
