Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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