Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
